25 Apr 2006
It must have been an angel
I was sixteen when I decided to turn my own power switch off. Yes, I’m talking about killing myself. I was not able to handle all the pressure a teenager has to deal with, and despite the huge amount of information I’ve been intoxicated with for a long while, sadness and lack of hope were constant.
My father had a building, and I thought that climbing to the roof would be the first step; the second would be jumping straight to the ground. That would produce a broken neck, and everything would be over.
I sat on the edge of the roof, and took a “last” look at the sandbanks (or dunes), at my left. They were shining like gold that day. At my right I was able to see the ocean, the deep blue of the skies blending with the even deeper blue of that whole universe of water. Tears rolled on my face, and despite the beauty of the scenario, I was determined.
Then he appeared. The angel, I mean.
He was one of my father’s friends. A mature gentleman, not that tall, but he seemed to be a giant. His white hairs combined with the white mustache, but contrasted with his tanned skin. He came, sat by my side, and didn’t say a single word. I didn’t look at him, but I could see his legs, and could feel his breathing. “Bummer”, I thought, “What does this asshole think?” I was getting angrier and angrier with his company.
Time passed by. One hour, two, three. Then I could see the sunset over the dunes, and nature was performing pretty well that day. Then the night came, and he was still by my side, as voiceless as when he arrived. I was not that angry anymore, just tired.
“If you do what I think you think of, you’ll make me very sad. It doesn’t matter how miserable things seem, it’s just an illusion”, he sad. He went up, and offered his open hand, inviting me to give up that stupidity.
Years later I decided to thank that guy for saving my life. He could not remember a single moment from that story. Perhaps he thinks I’m crazy. Whatever. It must have been an Angel.
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Janio,
I guess you could say it was an angel, and probably it wasn’t the person you saw, but someone else using his face and look to be more familiar to you. Don’t know that for sure, but you should be really glad to know someone’s taking care of you.
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It’s very impressing for me man ! This guy or “angel” gave to you the opportunity to think twice, even so at that time the thoughts weren’t too much clear. Remarkable narration ! You are a great taleteller.
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My dear friend.
I think it is not a matter of a good taleteller, but a clever audience. That’s what make me pleased in writing.
Thanks for your kind words.
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I remember when you tell this story in Portuguese. I’m glad you didn’t have, um, the balls to do this stupidity. I’d kill you if you’d kill yourself!
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